Homecoming is now (and isn't that nice?)

Being home has been a literal breath of fresh air. The quality of breathing is better than Bangkok could ever hope for and that’s just the beginning. Coming home is full of the little things one missed whilst away. I have missed many things from fresh air to the illusion of common courtesy. Honestly, only yesterday I wasn’t paying attention in line and noone even ran in front of me, they smiled and nodded me forward (how nice).

Yes, returning to Canada has its perks. In the last week or so Cheryl and I have already seen many friends and family that we were sorely missing and that’s emotional money for the spiritual piggy bank. It is good to be home.

But, homecoming also has its own bends and twists to it, like the sense that one is returning to a reality of sorts. The world is suddenly tangible again like a dream de-materialized to the moan of an alarm-clock. We sense the impending doom of searching for work and preparing for the future. So it goes.

The mindset is different, yet somehow familiar, but coming home has been an adjustment both good and bad. One thing I am having a hard time coming to terms with is moving from a decidedly Buddhist overall perspective to that of the neo-Christianized society of our emerging 21st century Canada. I immediately noticed that everyone here is in a hurry. People are always thinking of either the next moment or the last. What happened in the past is viewed as important somehow because it helped to shape the now. But the now is only important because it can help shape the future. The future is of course the most important because it is something to work toward, something in which to invest all ones hopes, fears, efforts, thoughts, integrity, emotions, planning, etc., etc. People in North America are so concerned about earning the salvation of the next moment it appears they forget to find the peace in the moment they are in.

Cheryl and I lived in a city of more than 12 million people for almost a year. Prior to our departure over the big blue I assumed that people there would always be in a rush with something on their mind. Television has taught me that big cities are places of rushing, struggling, and crashing efforts colliding in hopes of a distant form of survival, however, this was not so in Bangkok. Yes, the city was big and there were always many people waiting to get where they were trying to go but every person seemed focused only on what they were doing not merely on what they did or are about to do. At times Thai people seemed simple in their thought-processes with mild expressions of indifference painted upon their demeanor and seemingly meager amounts of intent for the future. But they were not simple in any way, they were fascinating. Their peaceful aura stemmed not from simple thoughts but from peace in the moment.

The bus in a big city can be a stressful place. People are crammed into a tiny area intending to travel to places of work they loathe and wish not to go. They are filled with anxiety about what they will do when they get there, how much they don’t want to be there or even on this very bus on which they stand, and many other details such as how it irritated them to have to wait five-and-a-half minutes for the bus today instead of the usual five. The bus can indeed be a place full of petty anxieties dealing mainly in worry about the past and future mixed with irritation of the now. However, in Thailand I found myself on a crowded bus in awe of the fact that everyone there was at peace. Although there was still ample situation to create stress the people there were complacent to their current position. They were humble in their stance as they slowly drifted through the streets en route to work. They seemed to think only of the fact that they were there with something to do and that was sufficient. There is no point in fretting upon the immediate future since the present is not currently connected, and therein lies the fulcrum of today’s lesson in cultural understanding; the past is not now, the future is later, but now is the moment and it is that is simple.

It is this aspect of the “now” in mental consciousness that has been very difficult for me to accept upon returning home. After living in a primarily Buddhist society for the last year I have found myself turn a more mellow colour than before. I don’t know what my previous colour was but if it was white I am now a soft egg-shell that one would paint their study in hopes of finding tranquility. I recall being much more relaxed in Thailand than I feel here and I think the reason is the contrast of societal forming views. In the past week and half I have moved from a Buddhist societal mentality to that of our new-Christian formed/freemarket competition/fight for tomorrow’s salvation today type mentality and I must say it has been unsettling. I already have stomach acid build up and can’t sleep at night because I am worried about tomorrow. At some point during our trans-Pacific flight the air changed from Buddhist warmth to contemporary North American chill.

Cheryl had warned me that coming home would induce a reverse-culture-shock that would catch me off-guard so I can’t say I didn’t know this was coming. But this shock is enormous. When I dwell on what was (which I am doing a lot more now that Canadian society has once more re-absorbed me) I recall how mellow and in-the-moment I was only days before. I am already forgetting the peace of the “now” and am once again moving unerringly toward the future. I am now faced with trying to integrate the two. I don’t want to fret like so many of us Canadians who are always in a rush to something else. Perhaps my travel overseas to the land of the Buddhists has something more to teach me; how to enjoy the moment and not only worry about the next.

Now that you have read about my mental journey do yourself a favour; at least three times today stop and ask yourself “am I enjoying this moment or am I only dwelling on the past or the future?”. Not only will you find you are often not in the moment but also asking yourself that question will help remember to enjoy the “now” more in the future (and isn’t that a better plan for the future than just worrying about it?).

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