Apply Yourself!

What is an application but an extension of my will out to the world asking it to please convert me into a working form of person. “I, Jay Ewert wish to become part of the machine!” I have spent days and weeks applying for various forms of employment now and I am getting just a wee-bit wiped by the effort it is costing me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have written, called, promised, edited, faxed, emailed etc. just about everything that describes me to be a productive and professional worker, and yet, I do not feel fine. But, why not? Isn’t productivity toward a greater goal supposed to be rewarding in some internal way? Aren’t we, as animal by-products of our environment supposedly programmed to feel satisfaction from our work? I am led to believe this is true. However, I am not the farmer observing the crop he just pulled in, nor am I the fisherman that enjoys the frying of my prized catch of the day. No, I am the job-hunter in all his fury. I am the man with the resume hoping to unearth the direction of my future. I am the aspiring proletariate just waiting for his chance to make some mark on something at some point in the future so that I may respect myself in the mirror. I am every man’s moment before success or failure!

We have all been through this; the moments of pure agony that are the job-hunt. These are the times of futility that just might render opportunity should the fortuitous moment choose to present itself. Will the right person get this paper on their desk at the right time? Will they be looking for me or will I be able to convince them I am what they are looking for? The whole debacle becomes a test of ones persistence. I mean, how long can one person throw a wet noodle at a brick wall before they realize the futility of their situation? And yet my university has told me repeatedly that my situation is not futile. They tell me that I am a national resource ready to be fertilized and harvested. I am told that I will be successful. I wish they would tell my potential employers this. If only they knew what an educational asset I will be on their staff. But, that is my current vocation; to convince them and thus render harvest to my talents.

I am the man pursuing the plan. I aim to be an educator but first I must learn how to bring it about. And so I will stop procrastinating in the form of this online, whining blog, and get out there in the wide, virtual world and apply myself online. Maybe virtual brick walls are not as sturdy (and thus my wet noodles will shatter my adversity).