Viva La Wieners

We all know them as a form of food that we eat only on certain occasions such as picnics over a fire, at the beach, festivals, fairs, or on children’s birthdays. Most of us, in no way, would consider them to be an actual source of sustenance or respect them enough to actually include them in any plan for a healthy diet. Some would even argue that they are not even meat. Granted, a wiener is various parts of left-over meat brought together and pounded/pressed together by some large bohemouth of a machine in a factory somewhere. Then a generous portion of “wiener flavour” is added to make them taste just that much juicier. Truth be told they consist more of “animal parts” than actual meat themselves (but who’s really keeping track of these things anyway?) And yet we all, at some point or another, close our eyes, enjoy the festivities around us, and take part in the odd ‘dog’ now and then. I admit, I enjoy them now and then too. They remind me of those festive times of youth, games, and picnics.

But is a wiener really a meal? Not a hotdog, I’m talking about a wiener. Or, how about a pile of wieners? Say, a pile of wieners put into a bag with various assortments of condiments generously applied and then eaten with a stick? Dear reader, please take a moment and answer this question for yourself before continuing this blog.

Welcome to Thailand; the place where people eat everything and anything that moves and even some things that don’t (like wieners). Cheryl and I often buy food on the soi (road vendors) such as curries, spring rolls, fruit, fruit shakes, doughnuts, and many other things, however, there is always a place to draw the line. For some “God knows what” reason, people in Thailand are all about the wieners. On any given street you can find at least 20 different types of wieners (and variations thereof). When you walk into a 7-11 store (of which there are at least 1-2 per block) you will find no less than 12 different types of wieners you can have cut, shoved into a bag, and then cooked in a microwave. Mmmmmmmmm. On the street itself there are various forms of similar animal-part-related meats consisting of pork, fish, chicken, beef, etc.,etc.,etc. (note the etc.’s, as they are the secret ingredient in all wieners).

Wieners, it appears, are not only considered an important part of anyone’s diet in Thailand, but due to the absolutely ridiculous numbers of vendors that sell them, I would judge they are a staple of the Thai diet.

It is not unusual to find wieners in baking as well. But of course! Who wouldn’t want a fluffy croissant wrapped around a wedge of animal parts, with wiener flavour injected, and then smothered in icing? Not me for one. Not Cheryl for two. At this point I apologize if you decided to sit down and read our blog just prior to dinner.
No, Cheryl and I have yet to acquiesce to wieners within baking. But here is the funniest part. Cheryl and I have often seen Thai people eating all of these wieners smothered in various condiments, however, where is the bun? With all these wieners being consumed is there some hidden mountain of hotdog buns molding away somewhere forlornly missing the wieners that were so cruelly taken from them? NO! They are being used elsewhere. The buns are used for ice cream. No really! Cart vendors that sell ice cream always have a stock of hotdog buns to fill with ice cream for the swarming customers (all Thai I might add) that want to eat them.

Yes, Thailand is definitely a different world than that which we came from. At times it is a stretch to understand but then I remember certain details from back home. We still eat hotdogs in Canada. Some of us claim to “ascend” to the high quality of smokies, but is it really an improvement, or merely a lofty way to excuse ourselves from high-fat-content gluttony? As well, since childhood I have noticed spam, klik, and other variations of meat-want-to-be’s on the shelf of the local grocer. Someone must be eating it all. And lest we forget, more McDonald’s is purchased and consumed in North America than anywhere else in the world and I’ll eat my hat if a McDonald’s burger has more meat content than a wiener (of course, so might the hat).

That said, Thailand may be a strange, and sometimes terrifying place for us falangs (foreigner), but when we arrive back home, I’m sure I will be just as scared of Canadians and the like. So keep eating your festive imitations foods, and when we arrive home, we will pull our lawn chair up to the fire, stick a skewer, and chow down on our beloved animal parts with all our friends and family.

*The writer would like to recognize the hard-working efforts of the wiener-making industry. Without their hard-working efforts the festive eating of snouts, hoofs, tails, and various other animal parts would not be able to occur. Let us all raise our glass to the meat pressing industry of planet Earth.

*Note: The picture of the vendor selling wieners is similar to what can be seen on literally every street in Thailand.

*Editors note: Please feel free to share your experiences with wieners by leaving a comment by clicking of the link below. Let all people everywhere know your fond memories of "meat".